We are relational beings, having healthy relationships (Romantic, Family, Friends, Professional etc) is crucial to our survival. And we often think about relationships in terms of how one person relates to another person. However, the most important relationship that we have is our relationship with ourselves, as our relationship with ourselves affects all relationships in our lives.
How we relate to ourselves can feel quite abstract at times. Essentially how we relate to ourselves is greatly determined by our “sense of self”, that is, what do we believe about ourselves and how do we feel about ourselves. The messages that we pick up from the different interactions we have with other people in all types of relationships and the societies we live in (e.g. media, entertainment, social media) throughout our lifetime all contribute to our sense of self. Our sense of self continues to evolve as we change what we believe about ourselves and how we feel about ourselves.
Even though our sense of self is an integral part of our human experience, not many people are aware of or have deep insights about their sense of self, or how our sense of self is being influenced or affected by others. In social justice, there is a phenomenon called internalised oppression. Due to many social and psychological reasons, the targeted oppressed individual or group gradually integrates the oppressive attitudes, values, and opinions as their own.
Some examples of oppressive messages: Women are not as smart and as capable as men (Sexism); Racial stereotypes are a reliable way to get to know someone (Racism); People who have any form of disability are not as worthy as people without it (Ableism); Elderly people cannot learn new things (Ageism). Most often, the same hidden toxic messages are communicated to the victims of abuse (e.g. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse). Such as, “You are worthless”, “You are inferior”, “You are ugly”, “Your needs and rights are not important”. When the victims of abuse or oppression have internalised these toxic messages as their own beliefs about themselves, or integrated it as their sense of self, they start to unknowingly perpetuate the oppression or abuse on themselves, or members of the same oppressed group.
Exploring this topic in a safe environment, gaining awareness of what your beliefs are about yourself, and recognising how you truly feel about yourself is one way to uncover toxic messages that you might have internalised or integrated as your own involuntarily. Examining the beliefs that you would rather disown, while being empowered and supported, can be helpful in building a stronger and healthier sense of self.